Saturday, May 26

Waffle House (Interlude)

There's really nothing like a Waffle House in the morning on a roadtrip.

The combination of bacon, coffee, assorted things frying in fat, sausage and waffle batter isn't exactly a subtle olfactory hue, but it was what we had been craving for approximately a week. This is exactly the sort of food that I don't eat, normally, but the context was perfect. Rolling into a Waffle House in middle America after a savage, poorly-directed tear from the confines of the greater NYC area with a car full of scruffy-looking ultimate players reeking of patchouli.


I can't remember what everyone had, but I personally made a discovery that has changed my world. Waffle House now has chocolate chip waffles! As if I needed something else that is completely bad for me located in one place! They anticipated my need and filled it before I knew that I even had that need! Capitalism rules. I'm sure that I had ~4 or 5 cups of some unflinchingly week coffee, some eggs, a bit of toast and a chocolate chip waffle. My hashbrowns were given to the less fortunate at our table. As interesting as that is, more interesting yet were the following things:

  • The waitress told us a story about a customer who, the night before, was "So drunk he could hardly talk. Then he asked if he could pee in my hat. Then he ordered a salad!"
  • There is a Waffle House March. It is conspicuously absent from the Waffle House music page.
  • Asking a waitress at a Waffle House if you can buy beer across the street at a gas station at 7:30am will, in fact, result in an odd conversation.
Let's go back to the first item for a second here. It is not unusual for patrons of the House to be stutteringly hammered. I would wager it is not unheard of, in the right circles, for these same inebriated idiots to ask to pee in a hat. But to order a salad? At fucking Waffle House? There better be meat and waffle in that salad, or we'll ride you out on a rail. Or whatever that expression is. Honestly, the waitress seemed just as shocked as I was that there was a salad on the menu.

We then walked over to the BP and bought enough beer and ice to make the cooler feel whole again.

Destination: Fields!


gapoole said...

Having just finished my first year of college Ultimate, I discovered the beauty of Waffle House only recently. Chocolate chip waffles are like manna on a road trip. My only problem is that there is no cheap combo meal that features a waffle, eggs, and toast. Maybe some sausage, if you were feeling particularly famished. Why do they always tack on hash browns?

John said...

for the record i had steak and eggs and it was not the right call.

Mackey said...

In my opinion, the hash browns define WaHo just as much as the waffles do.

Chocolate Chip is news to me. Something to look forward to when we head down the East coast next spring break!

dusty.rhodes said...

I can respect your opinion and think it is dumb all at once, right? The place is Waffle House, not Hashbrown House. Order the waffle!

That being said, if you dig hashbrowns, yeah, order them to go next to your waffle.

There was a shiny "New" plastered next to the chocolate chip option.

Jamie said...

Hashbrowns are crucial. I believe they may, in fact, be the number one menu item at a Waffle House. Especially cause you get to order them in the expertly crafted Waffle Housed lingo. "I like mine diced and smothered."

dusty.rhodes said...

Yeah... they definitely get credit for the lingo.

Am I the only one who thinks that every Waffle House employee should be required to speak with a thick Southern drawl?

wix said...

yes, yes you are.